Representative Picture origin
Associated reading: that I really like my husband, I also need to keep the affair….
This realisation struck a chord. Once back home, I spent hours agonising with shame and guilt. Not too much for kissing my ex, as for needing to be with other guys. “What’s wrong with you? You’ve got a husband that loves you and keeps you happy, however you’re not pleased.” I thought maybe it is only a deficiency in our sexual life, therefore that I tried to spice it up. Initially my husband went together, but he got tired of those matches and was pleased to return to the old pattern. I was happy, as I realised this was not functioning for me. Together with my husband that the old pattern worked best. The experiences were constantly with different guys in my mind, which didn’t look even remotely the same along with my own husband. Days could go dreaming about being with other guys, or being guilt ridden together with these fantasies.
1 evening, in a work event I hit it off with this 1 man. He had been living his life traveling the world; no fixed residence, girlfriend, or occupation. I discovered the first attraction turning to deep psychological connection. I was confused, it was not that I did not enjoy my husband. How was I falling in love with somebody else? Perhaps if I spent more time with the guy I had been married to, then these feelings could vanish. Nevertheless, they did not. But, something else occurred. In a café along with my spouse, I discovered him checking this out girl. I understood that gaze; since I made it plenty of occasions. Seeing my do-no-wrong husband with that appearance ought to have me. Rather I found myself fantasising about him with that girl! My remorse had turned into utter confusion! I switched to the net and discovered ‘polyamorous’ to be the reply to my own perplexities.